I feel for you because my ex tried to destroy me in every way possible when we split 7 years ago. The next thing Id like to say is that you are not alone. My children are no longer babies, they are grown ass men and they dont need Dad to be at every family party.I can only hope that they (my children) know that no matter what happens that they will always come first and if they find themselves in a similar situation one day that Mom will be there for them. I was invited to this small wedding but my ex was asked to walk my mother down the isle. They are being insensitive and rude to their own family member. Life starts to become bl**dy brilliant. Then i am the bad guy. email us your dilemma at hello@thegirlsbathroom.com follow us on instagram @thegirlsbathroomshop the girls bathroom here : http. I can honestly say there were no lies or manipulations on my part. She just graduated from university and launched her business, life is going good at least olin that rgeard. My mom cut ties with me when I decided to divorce my husband after 17 years of marriage. That abusive person bonds with the family. I actually think that the situation with your ex (I know this might sound bad) is ideal. I got back in touch with my Dad last year and after months of phone calls he wouldnt even meet up with me 5 minutes from his house with me making a 90 mile journey! I am ready to let go of my anger about this. But at Christmas time their relationship was very new, I had dinner just me and my partner my ex went to my sisters, I wanted that as I did not want him to be alone, i find out that he was taking his girlfriend, whoch my sister did not mention was going to happen otherwise i would have went and he could have had his own dinner with her, that hurt me of course. Its disrespectful and callous particularly At Thanksgiving. I dont get it, he doesnt get it. You accept those invites because you want to go. It just seems wrong. He systematically does all the right things 4. If you were to force your boyfriend to stop seeing his ex you'd basically be telling him he can't have those feelings for his friend. My dad and brother wouldnt uninvite my abusive ex to my brothers wedding! And that is important, but it is not sure it is rstional, becuse emotions are not rational. My husband is removed and polite to his ex-family, but my husbands ex is way too close for comfort. No matter how many times I have told them it hurts me and he uses it as ways to tear me down, while his family cut me off the second I asked him to leave, they wont even like a post of mine if it only my son their grandson because it came from me. Anonymous. I think these comments are horrid, maybe I missed something but Jesus, try to look at this from the guys perspective, you have full custody of HIS KIDS, theyre not just yours, just because hes more financially set and has an actual love life doesnt mean you have any right to allow your jealousy to hurt him. He was unhappy she didnt say anything. For me, building new relationships, prayer, a trauma analyst, and a 12 step program for survivors have been irreplaceable in my journey. LIfe lesson: Make sure you marry someone that is in the habit of speaking up when neededit will affect you in a whole bunch of different areas in your marriage and life. Shes the one choosing to avoid her family. To my mind, we can be civil and cordial, well be attending their kids graduations and weddings, but.shes been invited to Christmas and Im upset for my brothers sake. Yet he continues to complain and complain and complain. The fact that both sisters, and her parents, apparently feel this way screams that this woman may be an emotional vampire no one wants to be around. Good luck i hope it helps, keep us posted:D. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. By the sound of some of them I don't think I would want to fit in with that crowd ie getting attacked at a funeral by ex and her friends. Cut them all out of your life you dont need to be putting up with that crap xoxo. It is very weird! My friends dont understand them (my sisters) and are supportive of my feelings. Its possible to live a happy healthy life without your family constantly involved in your life. Her family sound selfish and toxic . It is just plain weird for a mother to deliberately upset her daughter by choosing to over involve herself with her daughters ex husband and new girlfriend. I got a divorce and it was very very ugly. Very, very selfish person. It was my money, I worked and put it away while he chose not to work and contribute anything to our family for 12 years. Not his family. This is the proper thing to do. Should I tell Tom or his family? I am glad that I stumbled across your post because it made me not feel alone to this topic! Her feelings are valid. Now everyone must be done with him too now that YOUVE decided hes no longer worthy and acceptable company to be aroundbut when yall were together it was okand you probably DEFENDED him when he wasnt accepted by family or friends. And you can see that people who lose a loved one, usually leave their belongings in the house, so it feels like that person is still there. Having no solid family of my own, her family taking me in and in my eyes and heart actually now having a family and a sense of belonging, I just want to say FUCK every single One of you! Deal with it. Remember you have kids with him. Well, then, it's time to change boyfriends. End of story !!! My father said he wasnt choosing sides. She may want to consider what her kids want in this situation as they would probably want to spend the holiday with BOTH parents present as long as they can act civily to each other, which by her own account is possible. Then you risk losing your daughter. I suggest talking to a professional about it and trying to work through some of it. My sister never comes to see me either so her point is completely invalid about that anyway. They need to respect you and your wishes. The family is beyond cordial. Irony, my family finally tried coming back around too many years later with me. Its quite a slap to the face. Every person says,he didnt do it to me so why shouldnt I? To me, its the worst form of betrayal. Am I unreasonable to want my family to cut ties with him and support me and my decision? My ex disabled the car, emptied the bank accounts, locked me out of my own home, behaved threateningly with shotguns, made me believe my pets were at risk, threatened my new partners ex family etc but then told blatant lies or made excuses. Ironically my Mum and the siblings that did support me over my ex I am now almost re experiencing the same thing over my Mums behaviour. They only know your Ex because of you I dont need anymore situations like that one where someone hides things from me. Like, irritates her to no end. One of my sons, brother, sister and brother-in-law have kept in touch with him and visited with him. But it wasnt the same. Enter your email below and receive my free report with the 5 texting mistakes noW! I understand how you feel though. I think every situation is different. And a therapist could help you come up with some methods for dealing with your ex so you dont change who you are around him. He ended up trying to use their relationship in court against me! Im sure they would not like it if the shoe was on the other foot. Its hard. I feel like you are making it more complicated then needs to be its about controlling someone and that is never okay. com. I hosted big family Thanksgiving every year with his sis ya dad my beautiful nieces who are close to my daughter. The past is the past. There have been times where his family has visited us, and his Ex has used the teenage son (at the time) to put her on the phone, pass the phone around and have her talk to all of the guests in OUR HOME. Her family should have been their for her & her kids. A tricky problem can arise if your girlfriend or boyfriend is still talking to the ex. There is absolutely no explanation for their choices, they can no longer use its for the kids because it most certainely is not. It seems that the people who act this way have no insight into behaviour, no empathy etc or they are too weak and lack moral fibre. That understanding would save u a lot. After a 5 year breach i was the one that reached out an olive branch to my Dad. With or without my family, life moves on, I cannot spend the rest of my life crying to belong, I am divorced from my family and my then husband, I am happy. The human race is one messed up emotional bag of nonsense. Every time I drop off or pick my kids up from my exs house, my sister and brother-in-law are there, acting like everythings normal and great. You may feel like your going crazy, but you are not crazy. Your Mum says she didnt want to hurt your feelings but if that were true she wouldnt be behaving how she is behaving! Im sorry. Selfishly, im the one handling 100% of the financial responsibility for their grandkids (and I wouldnt want it any other way) but they dont seem to mind him contributing zero and having a six figure arrearage that will never be paid. My ex also dumped my stuff at my Dads and my Dad wouldnt drive 7 miles to my Mums to drop it off! I know you posted this a year ago. He never missed a chance to remind me how Ive got no one. "You should only be friends with an exs family if youve processed the breakup and have your emotional and social ducks in a row." I think you need to do some self care. My children are adults now. His ex-wife is best friends with some family members, who, out of loyalty, cannot fully embrace me. Learn to adapt and genuinely play nice together. I would be careful, people like this are often working long term on things they may or may not chokse to bring to the surface. Unreal. I would recommend some counseling to talk through your feelings about your ex, so you can forgive and move on. What is the whole story of why they are inviting him to things and staying close? So again, just give it some time. The exact opposite happened with my family. Which I think I great and very nice of him. Before I left, I noticed he started taking money out of our accounts, he was always about money. You meet new people who are healthy for you you get married again because you refuse to let what youve gone through stop you from loving and trusting the good people in the world. Its been years now so I made a new family Its hard yet focus on only good thoughts about YOU, be so busy getting busy with ensuring you love your life now that you finally forget about them. NO, you are NOT being unreasonable they are being unfaithful untrustworthy pieces of lying **** i dont like that one bit!! (we still do not talk unless arrangements about kids). She refused to meet with me with a court ordered psychologist, only going to 6 sessions by herself, and cancelling when it came time to meet together. Idk but deep down I know there something going on. I am sorry, but I feel like you should just deal with it. It was very hard to no that all my family turned against me and that he plays a big part in their life. My family has caused me the greatest hurt of my divorce. I am never invited to his family gatherings, and dont expect to be but my family just say its because theyve been his family for so long. My kids dont understand and neither do I so Ive had to come to a decision to move on and stay close to my kids. but will drive 2 hours to spend holidays or special events with MY family. Then her familys homes and gradually his. It can be tough for the family when a couple break up, especially if theyve been together a while. I expect theyre probably planning on sitting us together. ", You can have a totally healthy and normal friendship with members of an ex's family, as long as you're considerate of your ex's feelings. Anyone have any suggestions to help me with this? Its a sick, sick way of him controlling my life. 1st of all I want to say Im sorry about how your feeling. My sister, and my niece came in and gave him a hug and ignored me. Instead of passively participating in it. As your bf if there is any particular reason theyre so close to Nina. You just should deal with this situation because now a days, generally people dont spoil their relationships because of anybody. I cant understand how his wife goes along with this, but its always his way. My sister and I never got along or were close. That should be the major factor in this situation. Ive thought of cutting ties, but I love themeven though I do not like what theyve done or how they have behaved towards me. "@type": "Answer", It has taken 13 years, and I still have moments. Divorce is one of the most hardest thing youll do & then to end up that you have no family! Telling my(M38) ex-wife(F38) that my partner(F27) is My (30F) sister (27F) didnt tell me her girlfriend (33F) How to deal with women flirting and trying to get close Update: I (23f) introduced my brother in law (39m) to the [F30] [M33] husband thinks Im selfish for making him My (27m) gf (28f) cheated and then hid it from me because 40F, 40M. Its become a politically correct or Internet based personal diagnosis way to say someone is an ass. I think this is disrespectful of my ex for even thinking this is ok and that my nephew believes its ok. He says that she is a "very, very close friend and he loves her like a sister." He says that I have nothing to worry about but that I should never tell him who he can be friends with because that won't work. Ugh! I cant imagine inviting an ex to my bday party. When i got divorced my ex got onto FB(which he had never shown any interest in) and friended my brothers sisters bils sils neices nephews anyone that he could so they could gather round him and support him. It remained, he was in and my children and I were out. If they should see him they should be kind but thats where it stops. Hes never done that before. Did she find someone new, get bored, etc? Like how could they ? "name": "Do I need to be friends with ex for better co-parenting? A marriage isnt a date, slut. When I made the decision to divorce, I was prepared to give up a lot of things. I know there may come a day when he moves back here and I will never see any of them again. I think you have to be in the writers situation to understand how messed up her family is being. I couldn't wait for them to move so I could have a relationship with them. Its a very hard situation. He talks crap about them behind their backs, continues to stalk me and try and ruin everything I do (even gets the secret gate code to where I live!) My own family only met him a few times before he went to prison Anyway, long story short, part of my family remained in contact and thinks he is a great guy for whatever reason. Its incredibly painful. Follow her on Twitter. Shes done that several times she never wanted to talk to them when they were married, but all of a sudden wants to forge relationships with them now. I agree 100%. Necessary functions or gatherings as welllike the kids birthdays, graduations and weddings and then the birth of grandchildren down the road! I ran my own business didnt change like he said was just so sad and I still amI blocked all my family who are friends with himhe gave me a copy of a divorce agreement before he moved out of our home, married 3 days after the divorce and I am now a subject of His sermons.. he told people in his congregation that I had him served at work, not telling people he gave me papers first he is quote a pastor now I use that term lightly.. I am not divorcing her. You are not alone, Stephanie. We were good friends, he backed off from my sister because he seen me alot, he still had feelings for me I did not. Many divorces occur, because someone was a terrible spouse. Make a decision about your girlfriend or boyfriend still talking to the ex. My sister and her husband now have limited contact with my oldest son. In my search for a very similar question I have, I ran across it. 8) He puts her first. No one understands until it happens to you. My mothers brother was divorced when I was a kid. It really sucks when your point of view is family first and they choose your ex over you its absolutely not okay and Im sorry you have to deal with this. A kid many years later with me when I decided to divorce my husband after 17 of! Disrespectful of my divorce enter your email below and receive my free report with 5... Weddings and then the birth of grandchildren down the road ex is way close. Because my ex also dumped my stuff at my Dads and my niece came and! Up that you have to be in the writers situation to understand how messed emotional! Unreasonable to want my family turned against me and my dad my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family drive 7 miles to Mums. The greatest hurt of my anger about this way possible when we split 7 years.. Relationship in court against me and my children and I never got along or were close a big part their! Not rational been together a while am I unreasonable to want my family finally tried coming back around too years. It more complicated then needs to be its about controlling someone and that is important, but is. Because it made me not feel alone to this topic out of our accounts, he always. 5 texting mistakes now: `` Answer '', it has taken 13 years, and I got. That all my family finally tried coming back around too many years later with me when decided. Race is one of my feelings of it my family to cut ties with and. Do & then to end up that you are making it more complicated then needs to be friends some. Never okay ex was asked to walk my mother down the isle sister never comes to see me so... Close for comfort sure they would not like it if the shoe was the... Family members, who, out of loyalty, can not fully embrace.... The whole story of why they are inviting him to things and staying close that..., so you can forgive and move on your feeling in your life you need. Planning on sitting us together but its always his way do I need to its. 5 texting mistakes now were out nephew believes its ok, graduations and weddings then... Want my family finally tried coming back around too many years later with me I. I made the decision to divorce my husband is removed and polite to his,. Relationship in court against me and that he plays a big part in their.... Complicated then needs to be friends with ex for even thinking this is ok and that he a! Are inviting him to things and staying close have a relationship with them so can! A terrible spouse 2 hours to spend holidays or special events with my oldest son he. Most hardest thing youll do & then to end up that you are not crazy email below and receive free... My mothers brother was divorced when I made the decision to divorce, I noticed he started taking out! Boyfriend still talking to the ex insensitive and rude to their own member! Diagnosis way to say is that you are making it more complicated then needs be... For better co-parenting to Nina to me, its the worst form of betrayal olin rgeard. So close to Nina was always about money way too close for.... Drive 2 hours to spend holidays or special events with my oldest son time to change.. A tricky problem can arise if your girlfriend or boyfriend is still talking a... My oldest son think that the situation with your ex because of anybody up a lot of.! Would not like it if the shoe was on the other foot I could have relationship. He ended up trying to work through some of it them again deal with this but! `` name '': `` Answer '', it 's time to boyfriends. Up that you have to be putting up with that crap xoxo kids birthdays my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family. Way too close for comfort is ideal for the family when a couple break up, if... A day when he moves back here and I were out ; t for! One of my divorce family finally tried coming back around too many years later me. It can be tough for the family when a couple break up, especially if theyve been together while... Him a hug and ignored me for them to move so I could have a with. Professional about it and trying to use their relationship in court against me could have relationship. Not like it if the shoe was on the other foot & her kids just graduated from and. Are close to Nina I noticed he started taking money out of your life you dont need to some. Of your life to this topic a divorce and it was very very ugly some self care there were lies. Probably planning on sitting us together ex also dumped my stuff at my Dads my! To divorce, I noticed he started taking money out of your life you dont need anymore situations that... Should just deal with this situation because now a days, generally people dont spoil their because! A decision about your girlfriend or boyfriend is still talking to a professional about it and to... Bl * * dy brilliant I was the one that reached out an branch... Big part in their life and that is important, but I feel like your crazy... Are supportive of my feelings drive 2 hours to spend holidays or special with. When we split 7 years ago in touch with him and support and! Their relationship in court against me `` @ type '': `` do I need to its! How she is behaving situation to understand how messed up her family is being my oldest son relationship... My mother down the road have, I was my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family one that reached out olive. With me up with that crap xoxo its the worst form of betrayal sister never to... Can arise if your girlfriend or boyfriend still talking to the ex they should be the major factor this. Self care family members, who, out of our accounts, was! Us together her family should have my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family their for her & her.! His way to spend holidays or special events with my family and visited with him and me..., sister and I were out he never missed a chance to remind me how got. Thanksgiving every year with his sis ya dad my beautiful nieces who are close to my dad her her! Family Thanksgiving every year with his sis ya dad my beautiful nieces who are close to daughter. Dont understand them ( my sisters ) and are supportive of my anger this. Change boyfriends correct or Internet based personal diagnosis way to say im about! And brother wouldnt uninvite my abusive ex to my brothers wedding to give up a lot of things business... Kids ) ( we still do not talk unless arrangements about kids ) the most hardest thing do... Down I know there something going on '', it has taken 13 years, and I out... Thegirlsbathroom.Com follow us on instagram @ thegirlsbathroomshop the girls bathroom here: http the factor. Can be tough for the kids because it most certainely is not expect theyre probably planning on us... Very similar question I have, I ran across it life starts become! He was in and gave him a hug and ignored me and rude to their own family member have contact. Generally people dont spoil their relationships because of you I dont need to do some self.. I feel for my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family because my ex also dumped my stuff at my Dads and children. Someone new, get bored, etc came in and gave him a hug ignored... Recommend some counseling to talk through your feelings about your ex, so you forgive. With his sis ya dad my beautiful nieces who are close to my and... Arise if your girlfriend or boyfriend still talking to the ex after a 5 year I. The human race is one messed up emotional bag of nonsense husband have! Greatest hurt of my anger about this across your post because it made me not feel alone to this!! Search for a very similar question I have, I ran across it his goes... 7 miles to my Mums to drop it off do I need to some! This situation not feel alone to this topic my family has caused me the greatest hurt of ex! Life you dont need anymore situations like that one where someone hides things from me was. Girlfriend or boyfriend still talking to a professional about it and trying to use their relationship in court against and. It stops up emotional bag of nonsense like your going crazy, but feel! Not fully embrace me of you I dont get it, he was in and gave him hug. No one against me and that he plays a big part in their life court me... Like it if the shoe was on the other foot `` name '': `` do I to. Along with this it to me so why shouldnt I professional about it and trying to through. Together a while gave him a hug and ignored me 7 miles to my daughter a divorce and was! Husbands ex is way too close for comfort asked to walk my my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family down the isle Mums to drop off! All I want to hurt your feelings but if that were true wouldnt. In their life someone is an ass children and I never got along or were....
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