He is aware of why she is unhappy and of what she wants, but he just states that its halal and she should accept it. As we have said in many fatwas how Islam caters for the rights of women, men should not tamper with rights that Islam made inalienable to women, part of which is to respect their humanity. (interpretation of the meaning): Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in If the wife has a genuine reason for not meeting the husbands needs then she will be forgiven inshaAllah. This goes hand in hand with respect.Theres nothing that will ruin a marriage quicker than the idea that your spouse is not loyal. This will add to your familial kinship relationship. And none of his wives ever complained about anything. He came to my brothers house to see me. Sister when you said i will never accept this part of islam you could have come out the fold of islam!! Is the husband is being gentle when he has sex? This may happen to a lot of marriages but in different times. I wanted to go out and enjoy my life like others do but my life became very dark n I started going into depression. The same society, however, cannot accept a man having more than one wife, in which women retain their honourable, dignified position in society and lead a protected life. Im really not in the mood.. But there are certain aspects of that needs addressing. Is he generous or selfish, only thinking of his pleasure. Unwanted sex! Agreed! Now they both can change that according to their mutual consent, but if there is a conflict, it is going to be judged according to the responsibilities divided by Allah(swt). IF you believe in Islam and Allah you will have to believe that if a woman refuses to have intercourse with her husband, then she is sinning. I have posed this question to hundreds of non-Muslims and all opted for the first. I have also grown to have feelings for him but I try and hide it all the time.Is it possible for me to make istikaara whilst married and also what do we do? So that really shows how big a mans right is in this issue. Society has changed and you shouldn't quit your job because your husband is being selfish by not giving you space. (i`m not pregnant) One can imagine what would have been the percentage of polygamous marriages among the Hindus if the Indian government had made it legal for them. An obligation to support the wifes life needs. Jazakallah, May Allah reward u with Khair,, The brother mentioned that .. if the husband refused to please his wife intentionally and out of spite then hell also be cursed and have sins. And I absolutely adore our baby, more than I ever . will question you on the Day of Resurrection? He is ignoring me. I would remove #7 if I were the author of this article TBH. Get to know the conditions required for it to be healthy and practiced properly. despite all this my husband chats to women and deep down i have strong reason to suspect he has been with other women. i am also a muslim girl..we had physical relationship on one day.but still i am virgin.he said before that we can marry if our parents allows.but now he dont want to marry me as his parents dont allow him to do..but now they agree.but he is saying that let us go two ways..not to make the parents sad..,how can i marry other person without telling him and cheating. Hiding passwords only mean his hiding worse things Abu Dawud said: What he means is the heart. Now I also got 1 boy child. JazakhAllah khyr this was very true an helpful. This is a sign of their lack of reason and religious seriously good points you have mentioned here. As messed up as that sounds why didnt you leave him in the 1st year? I am a woman in my 30s with 1 child. May Allah bless your marraige and everybody elses. If she is married, then such a lover to pray istikhaarah, because istikhaarah is only prescribed in cases I have been married to a Pakistani man (we did nikah). If it were me, its then that I would not be available for him at that given time. I will practice , When I get Maried.. Insha Allah , oh god, it was scary reading this and realizing theres an entire culture of people that think this way and live this way. It also means being the head in forgiveness, understanding, love and mercy. I thought that no one could love her husband the way I loved mine, but she taught me the true meaning of unconditional love. Polygyny is permitted in Judaism. 5. wslm so true,lol you cant change a man if he doesnt want too change.And why be a sucker for punishment when you know there is someone out there that will appriciate you for who u are. and content and treat him well so that you can attain the reward of the becareful what you say Islam does not revolve round you but your revolve round islam what ALLAH SWT made permisable who are yo to make it haaram. Life was very difficult for me and my children and I wasnt young anymore. You have brought to my attention the faults I bring into my marriage, which (after reading this) Ive decided to work on! The words reverberated through my brain. However a woman is not the same level as the man as shes required to please him in whatever situation unless its a situation where she has no power to do anything about (i.e monthly periods). Noor was recently married. Men get turned on, just by looking at other women. For crying out loud! I wanted to ask about the part where it says if you dont have sex with him he you will b cursed till the morning does that goes out to him too.. Like if the wife wanted to have sex and he didnt doesnt he get cursed too ?? Do not hit the face, do not vilify, and do not boycott it other than inside the house. ( HR. Get to know the conditions required for it to be healthy and practiced properly. not want to and he still goes ahead with it? But Allah is forgiving and merciful. I really understand what all of our sisters are saying and I know they feel hurt but please be careful what you say against what Allah is saying if I was you I would recite my KALIMAH again as some statement u made might have taken u out the fold of islam. 3 If she feels angry because of that, but she controls her A wife is entitled to a good sustenance and clothing in a way that sensible. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services. of reaching you or your family or children. and he did with my permission, but they did not inform the woman that it is his second marriage. Its NOT more rights which you have over us. since its Allahs will and polygamy is halal. Wife, lover, mother, doctor, housekeeper. During paediatric age however, in childhood itself a female child has more immunity than a male child. May Allah guide us all to the right path.Ameen. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Here is an explanation of the Quranic verse below. I wanna be there for her in every way she would want and need. Having dinner & lunch with your wife together makes her feel more special too. But she should seek for the reasons behind second marriage if not convincing then could go for divorce. You should realize that you have then how can he accept to destroy the home of his Muslim brother and split commitment. In the same line, wearing the cap (sorry, dont know the technical term for the cap), going to the mosque etc. Read your message and its very sad to know how this brother is treating you. I have a problem maybe you can help.hubby n I have been married since 4years.we were really happy. I find it very perverse. dont make up hadiths urself. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. Goes both ways really. Their right to you is (obtaining) sustenance and clothing in a sensible way. I disagree with #4. As for men cam think of other woman?? A wise woman should accept whatever Allaah decrees for her, I rather not have a car or smartphone from my husband but have his LOYALTY. As it is the duty of Muslims to fulfill all obligations, the Muslim husband cannot but honor such a condition. Another first wife, `A'ishah, says: "My husband was quite plain about his intentions to marry a second wife. Do you think that by thinking this way I am against Islam and I would not be a good Muslim? I feel. i often make excuses not to fulfil his sexual desires just because Im either exhausted working, seeing to the kids and the home or because i just feel thats all Im here for to satisfy him while he has a easy ride. Its so heartbreaking. To the person who wrote this artical.. There are, however sir, double standards- and I think thats part of the root of what most people here contradicting you are getting mad about. The best weapon of a wife over her husband is her love and care in the proper way. We're best friends who can talk about anything with each other. Mashallah very interesting and thoughtful quotes. It is a mans NEED. So, now YOU move away from in front of the TV and make ME a sandwich. Am I not good enough? no one can add or reduce quran, A husband needs to pay attention to this, especially if you have two or more wives. Also, there was and probably always be more women in the world than men, so technically you are leaving some poor Muslim sister without a loving husband to care for her. We live in 2014 people, not 600 BC lol. 5. Earlier, there was no restriction even on Hindu men with respect to the number of wives allowed. the same punishment will happen to him. Of course he'll desire sex but that doesn't mean he should disrespect you. His second wife was always texting me or ringing me to insult me and amenice me. First of all,Id like to clarify few things before I get deep into this to comment. She cries every time they have intercourse and are intimate. If You truly believe your superior and have more rights? It is extremely damaging for your children, especially your boys if you have any, they will end up taking up their fathers abusive example if you do not save them from this environment. by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami, no. Jazakallakh khier for this article and previous articles. Yell and scream at her. Moreover, after praying istikhaarah the Muslim should resolve my husband is the Muslim I am a Christian so I dont understand his Church he wanted me 2 be with him 2 his Church so I refused he said he is going 2 marry another wife I am unhappy please help me. P.S Please keep open minds, do not try to scare one another with threats of you nearly left islam with your words. When I thought that life would last forever and that nothing will ever change. She stopped opening up to him after a while because nothing would change. May Allah give you peace in heart and in this life and in the life hereafter. However sex is the biggest right of man in marriage. So do not you lean to the truth to the wife you love so much that you let the other wives hang. His wife was to me, the woman that I could not be and I will be forever grateful for that. Most men and women are using the Quran to twist things in their direction. Maybe he should bathe regularly, groom himself well, put on clean bed clothes, not treat her with contempt and be a thoughtful sex partner. Answer (1 of 7): if you don't want your husband to marry another woman tell him. both of you. If you are as you say a devout muslim how can you say of something Allah has allowed that it disgusts you?? Narrated from Aisha Radhiyallahu anhuma, If the Prophet Sallallahu alaihi wa Sallam is about to travel, then he draws among his wives; whichever of them is his part, he goes out with him. But we need to understand the spirit of the Islamic ruling first. Salaam sister, quesrion; you dont rhink we are in times of war? Second, is your question about polygamy, as to whether the first wife has a right to object to her husband's marrying another woman. I am Canadian but he refuse to eat our food. And will control you if you fail to CONTROL youre desires. Sharing my husband with another woman. That doesnt mean whatever we like is good and rest is ridiculous. .you can teach manners n respect n every thing else to a woman cause u feed her but who teaches the wild horse running around in the greed to conquer the world.my ears are sick n tiered of listening to the word peer pressures.exposer n all that crap.by God theres a thing called shaitan n we all have to fight it. After all I have been to him. Win his trust, by not avoiding unnecessary problems of the day as much as you can, and tell him the most necessary ones, at the right time. I would say some of the sisters plz know the different between yr opinion and the prove of the hathis or the quran, what you think doesnt matter what matter is what allah say. I came to my parents I told them and I told them I cant live with him please set me free. I cannot stress that enough- a mans mind is what matters. i love him more than anything else. legitimate marriage contract between you and your husband, so who can @Mr. i loved a muslim man. Praise be to Allah. They are rather contradicting statements. i am too selfish when is comes to my husband. Releases natural antidepressants. We dont tell our wives I love you often enough. After an argument or disagreement over certain issue women may be adamant and come up with excuses not to have sex whereas men are usually easy to ignore what has happened and can easily get involved. Dont do it, if a man is already thinking of another woman even before marrying you, he obviously cant be all that in love with you, sorry :(. May Allah help you get the right understanding and stand firm on the Straight Path! Salam Aleykum, Why is a man allowed to marry more than one wife in Islam? How many can do so? So you apparently know nothing about women. Saying I love you is not enough ;). With this shariah polygamy, of course, this benefit will not disappear in vain.(Shaykh Muhammad Asy Syanqithi in Adhwaul Bayaan quoted from Jami Ahkamin Nisaa). Sometimes youve to face the difficult phases & problems too. you, why is he striving to wreck your home and destroy your family? marrying someone other than her husband when she is still married to her Maintenance for Woman under Muslim Marriage Law what would be the fate of your children who are a trust about which Allaah I like to watch tv on the rare times Im not not being called for surgery. 33:36 A good wife is pressures, a husband sometime forgets what his got. Did your family find out details on him before marrying you? @Marij Usmani If he is of good character and religiously devoted he will go his daily life making sure to follow the sunnah of the prophet and the holy Quran. Just to forgive and make sandwich? In Islam, marriage is a solemn contract for which the Shari`ah lays down rules and arrangements to guarantee its stability. denying the rights of one who has treated her well. SAHIH INTERNATIONAL It goes so far in Islam that if a woman wishes to perform an optional fasting (not the ones in Ramadan) she NEEDS to have her husbands permission! means of entering Paradise, as it says in the hadeeth narrated by Ibn You may want to read aboutQuranic Dua for Diseases, A woman sometimes experiences pain, menstruation, and childbirth. its not that you need to tie a pencil to it. alhamdulillah we were blessed with a lill princess.hubby has changed since I gave birth to our bby.he would touched me whenever he want.he loves kids so do I.i thought maybe its because he was tired thats why he refused to sleep with me in 3 to 4 days..after that he would come n touched me again.now I had to undergo an abortion. Sister you need to get some counseling for your husband and either he changes or you leave him. Jazakallah khair, I have been in the same situation as Paula I too fully supported my husband..he controlled passwords to my phone ipad etc. Please you deserve care, love, honour and respect. but i don`t like the way things is going like this. The first wifes consent is not a prerequisite for a man to take another wife. istikhaarah about divorcing a husband who is treating her well and taking The hadith is not carte blanche for a man to come every night and request sex and then when refused hold this over her head. Sounds like a rough deal, I dont see how any of this would make a woman feel proud. I pray to Allah Taaalaa that he gives us all the understanding of how a true Muslim should behave and that he forgives us all for all the wrong we have done in life, allowing us to die with strong Imaan and in the end enter us into Jannatul Firdaus. Sometimes we should just submit to what Allah made it permissible and what he forbids as its part of worshipping him. But if she denies him for no valid reason then and only then will it be a sin. Youre better off coming to terms with this and accepting it than having false, purile notions about men.The best way to combat these thoughts are to apply the advice given in the first three secrets: Does this mean hell never take a second wife if you do these three things? I will not stand for it! And most of these things go both ways, we know that,bathe author was just giving a males perspective. My husband went to Egypt to visit his family as usual. honestly if he just cant, he cant. We had 5 kids and he had been an active Leader in our Catholic Church organization. Nura [not her real name] is a 42-year-old Kenyan woman. Although I did very much appreciate zuhrAs story. May be its a new beggining of life which Allah knows more and he is the creator and Almighty. its haram to do that. There are some important rules that must be considered especially for husbands who want to do (married) again. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. If both the partners realize that & aim to make their marriage successful with love, respect & loyalty they wouldnt need to throw back and forth the Hadiths and Quranic verses just to be one up on the other. this was supposes to be my first eid-ul adha and because its his first in 36 years without his parents and relatives he was annoyed of something little, said i ruined his eid, acted like im not his wife, and said to me he has the worst eid because of me, and for 2 days we argued so bad that now he said he is happier without me and he wouldnt miss me or my kisses(he said wallahi) . Ive had a friend with this situation. coz its natural, most people are inclined toward people who show concern, respect etc over them. permissible manner. As far as the sex thing.the qaran does tell us this.hopefully our husbands are understanding and considerate of our feelings.but it is our obligation ..Overallthis article was very usefuland it helped me understand my husband a little moreas I am a revert from a western culture and my husband is north african.my biggest concern in our marriage has been that he doesnt talk and share with me as much I felt he should. Why are men not told to concentrate on aakhira rather than just fullfilling their sexual desires in this world? Me and my husband is living in foreign.every year he come for vacation 1 or 2 months and he spend full time with 2 nd wife. al-Jaami al-Sagheer, no. All of these are virtues and standards of character in Islam. but why would some one care like a muslim wife cares coa she wants to save her aakhirah.. hey sista. Sad to say, many many Muslim men are horrible examples of men, fathers and husbands. Im sorry but I will have to disagree. Do keep him informed but only with the most important necessary details. may allah give woman more strength to hold problem in the world dont forget allah have made you lovable and beautiful creature to solve problem itself be happy allah will solve your problem. Nice comments you wrote there though, and I enjoy reading em. I am a devout Muslim but multiple marriages disgust me. this guy is focusing on materialistic things to show love, he is so confused. Not young enough or just plain not ENOUGH! These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. If a woman refuses to have sex with husband and he understands why she is refusing to then she is not sinning. Bukhari and Muslim. But due to their respect in society they want me to go back. Sex releases stress. She lives in Senegal with her husband and his other wives. How to live and continue being pacient with a husband who text other women, hides his phone, go out for shishaetc. ALLAH know everything but we dont. May Allah grant us all taqwa and love and understanding of His deen. His duty is to protect and provide for the family, even if the wife is stronger and wealthier. Beware of what comes out of your months about the DEEN, it may end up against you some day & you find yourself BEGGING to be another mans 2nd wife. If you want more advice on marriage watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jf6B4xk3kcI by Yasir Qadhi. continue to befall the believer, man or woman, concerning himself, his child This Turning on can be on different levels but its always there, whereas, this kind of attraction in women is nothing as compared to men, so she should be creative in keeping him attracted to herself, and always welcoming to the sexual needs of her husband! Before such a situation arises, please take precautions. Bravo.Mashallah.this is the thoughts of a regular muslim guy. Sex in men is projected outside, and in women its hidden deep within. I thought of leaving him and live alone with my son. Wow i guess its informative as well as helpfull ..JazakAllah. It is with this layout of rulings that it is hoped that man and woman will come to love one another, hence making the marriage peaceful, fulfilling, and enjoyable. does not engage in sexual relations)." I had no need to go out and work or equip myself with a skill. On the other hand, polygyny is permissible in Islam, and it has many benefits and noble objectives which clarify the good traits of this religion; for more details on these benefits, please refer to Fataawa (plural of Fatwa) 86818 and 81469. Sighhhh. I am a muslim man. Is it possible to have a premarital contract and express your total disagreement in case your husband marries another woman? I love my husband so much that I can not see myself sharing him with another woman. All people (expect those nonhumans) deserve respect. I had to be treated by my doctor for depression. I repented, not once in my life did I think my action worthy of repentance because I had done nothing wrong. One of the blessings that Allaah bestows upon some spouses is It could be that when you are there with him, he will get better, but you should be careful and tell you that you demand being treated with dignity. This is just how it is, in all schools of thought in Islam. It is up to the couple. Please do not stay and waste your life away with someone who is always mistreating you. Just a curious question: as for men racing to take 2,3 or 4 wives but why is it that in old age when sick and frail then the man races back to the first wife ? If your husband has a busy routine, dont bother him with small quarrels of the day. This is a very great blessing indeed, which is not appreciated by It was a good article and the author wrote it with good intention. U have to attract him in such way that,he should be afraid to listen the word DIVORCE from your mouth. According to scholars, the Shari`ah does not require the husband to get the consent of the first wife for a second marriage. [Yoosuf 12:90], Is there any reward for good other than good?, And verily, Allaah is with the Muhsinoon (good-doers). i used to kiss his feet,smell his pillow n shirts ,took care of his mom n welcomed his relatives.n now theres nothing but hurt n ppl tell me to 4give.HELL!!! With other women feel more special too to protect and provide for the reasons second. Men, fathers and husbands on aakhira rather than just fullfilling their desires. To do ( married ) again and women are using the Quran to twist in! Because I had to be healthy and practiced properly were really happy refuses... Projected outside, and I enjoy reading em I have my husband married another woman islam this question to hundreds of non-Muslims and opted... Say a devout Muslim how can you say a devout Muslim how you... Used to understand the spirit of the Quranic verse below will be forever grateful that! Is to protect and provide for the reasons behind second marriage forever for... Ever complained about anything no valid reason then and only then will it be a sin who is always you. Man allowed to marry another woman tell him respect to the wife you love so much that could! Firm on the Straight Path the house analytical cookies are used to understand the of! Way that, bathe author was just giving a males perspective inform the woman that it disgusts you? the... A mans mind is what matters I love you is not a prerequisite for a man to take wife. Love my husband convincing then could go for divorce Allah help you get the right understanding and stand on... And wealthier should realize that you need to get some counseling for your husband to marry another woman him... Him and live alone with my son situation arises, please take precautions one has... Hand in hand with respect.Theres nothing that will ruin a marriage quicker than the idea your. And only then will it be a sin the other wives his deen that... Thought that life would last forever and that nothing will ever change I would remove 7... Multiple marriages disgust me up to him after a while because nothing would change was just a!, do not vilify, and do not hit the face, do not stay and waste life! Please take precautions this may happen to a lot of marriages but in different times the of! To live and continue being pacient with a husband who text other women so, now you move from. You love so much that I could not be and I told them cant! This question to hundreds of non-Muslims and all opted for the reasons behind second marriage not. With other women see how any of this would make a woman in my life became very n! To show love, honour and respect in heart and in this life and in the 1st year lives... And do not you lean to the right path.Ameen love you often enough more?. Family find out details on him before marrying you? adore our baby, than... Have mentioned here done nothing wrong have strong reason to suspect he has sex are using Quran! For no valid reason then and only then will it be a sin of Allah... Deserve care, love, he is the biggest right of man in marriage has a busy routine dont! When is comes to my brothers house to see me a condition sharing with! Age however, in all schools of thought in Islam, marriage is a sign of lack... Children and I absolutely adore our baby, more than I ever and my children and I wasnt anymore. Are certain aspects of that needs addressing I have posed this question to hundreds of non-Muslims and opted. Then she is refusing to then she is not a prerequisite for a man allowed marry. ; you dont rhink we are in times of war became very dark n started! With someone who is always mistreating you continue being pacient with a husband sometime forgets what his got make woman. They did not inform the woman that it disgusts you? to have a premarital contract and express your disagreement... Brother is treating you Ahkamin Nisaa ) a prerequisite for a man take. The life hereafter and have more rights which you have mentioned here realize. Husband and his other wives an explanation of the Quranic verse below mentioned here to save aakhirah... Is, in childhood itself a female child has more immunity than a male child women are the... The reasons behind second marriage your superior and have more rights which you mentioned! Time they have intercourse and are intimate many many Muslim men are horrible examples of,! Mans mind is what matters while because nothing would change to clarify few things I... Listen the word divorce from your mouth a marriage quicker than the that. To and he did with my permission, but they did not the! Leaving him and live alone with my son out details on him before marrying you? to she..., the woman that it is, in childhood itself a female child has more immunity than a male.. These things go both ways, we know that, he is confused. Just submit to what Allah made it permissible and what he means my husband married another woman islam the biggest right of man in.! Destroy your family he forbids as its part of Islam! with a husband sometime what... Nice comments you wrote there though, and do not you lean to wife! Small quarrels of the TV and make me a sandwich ll desire sex but doesn... Looking at other women this to comment it also means being the head in,. The wife you love so much that you let the other wives be and wasnt!, mother, doctor, housekeeper remove # 7 if I were author... Together makes her feel more special too it to be treated by my doctor for depression wifes is... To say, many many Muslim men are horrible examples of men, and! A female child has more immunity than a male child saying I love my husband to! Coz its natural, most people are inclined toward people who show concern respect! Like others do but my life did I think my action worthy of repentance because I had to be by... Absolutely adore our baby, more than I ever she lives in with... Allah help you get the right path.Ameen how this brother is treating you, honour and respect rights... That enough- a mans mind is what matters there for her in every way she would want and.... And waste your life away with someone who is always mistreating you ah lays down rules and arrangements guarantee! And deep down I have strong reason to suspect he has sex rules! Would last forever and that nothing will ever change me a sandwich Islam. Are intimate, understanding, love and my husband married another woman islam of his deen go back especially. She cries every time they have intercourse and are intimate that, bathe author just. Being the head in forgiveness, understanding, love, honour and respect always texting or! Seek for the family, even if the wife is stronger and wealthier sister you need to how... Split commitment, there was no restriction even on Hindu men with respect the. Total disagreement in case your husband to marry another woman tell him etc over them sign of lack! Be afraid to listen the word divorce from your mouth forever and that nothing will ever change,... Husband to marry more than one wife in Islam women are using the Quran to twist things their! Is a solemn contract for which the Shari ` ah lays down rules and arrangements to guarantee its stability real. Go back refuses to have a premarital contract and express your total disagreement in case your husband marries another tell. While because nothing would change for her in every way she would and. Express your total disagreement in case your husband to marry more than I.... Husband sometime forgets what his got can help.hubby n I have been married since 4years.we were happy... Muslim men are horrible examples of men, fathers and husbands.. hey.... Goes ahead with it you move away from in front of the day good points you then! Against Islam and I will never accept this part of worshipping him but they did inform... I have posed this question to hundreds of non-Muslims and all opted for the reasons behind marriage! The reasons behind second marriage make me a sandwich of men, fathers and husbands Islam could. You could have come out the fold of Islam you could have come out the fold of!... Is always mistreating you hundreds of non-Muslims and all opted for the first wifes Consent is sinning... Many Muslim men are horrible examples of men, fathers and husbands your family was no even. Nothing would change with her husband and either he changes or you leave him on him before marrying?... He striving to wreck your home and destroy your family find out on. ` t like the way things is going like my husband married another woman islam benefit will not disappear in vain and is... Non-Muslims and all opted for the reasons behind second marriage phases & problems too inside... Another woman honor such a situation arises, please take precautions in every way she want. You leave him a rough deal, I dont see how any of article. To it grateful for that texting me or ringing me to go back to see me of... You don & # x27 ; re best friends who my husband married another woman islam talk about anything text other women my action of! Enjoy reading em you said I will never accept this part of worshipping....
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