But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. A member of a biker gang has been convicted for armed robbery and murder, and is spending the first minutes of his lifetime sentence in his jail cell. Are you a man or a woman? What is a flame throwers favorite movie. But you might not want to do the same with strangers. 3. 13. Witty and sarcastic responses to How are you?, 85+ Funny Oat Puns Thatll T-oat-ally Make You Laugh, 55+ Hilarious Salad Puns to Make You Laugh, 55+ Hilarious Russian Puns That Are Revolutionary, 60+ Funny Spice Puns to Add Flavor to Your Life, 45+ Hilarious River Puns to Make You Laugh. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. ", "There is nothing like smoking weed after a long day of smoking weed. If you have an opinion about me, raise your hand. Better inside than outside. I said no, I can't deal with high maintenance women. The one says "Well sir, this man was about to die from smoke inhalation. " I lied. Let's play 1-2-3 Maths. I could be you. Woah! Those of you who have teens can tell them clean smoke detectors dad jokes. Everybody rushes to the counter and orders food. Everyone's entitled to acting stupid every once in awhile, but you're abusing that privilege. Arctic terns, birds long famous for their thousands of miles migratory habits, have been profoundly affected by climate change. I asked what I should wear for Halloween twice and got 2 different fun responses. That's odd, the old priest replied. Nice and fine, like an expensive bottle of wine. ", "Scientists say marijuana lowers your body temperature, in other words smoking pot does make you cool. You're my perfect match. In need of a holiday, I said "I wish I was on that plane." Well, then I think your stable is burning. A monocle walks into a bar. "That's amazing," the woman said. Everybody rushes to the counter and orders a drink. I went to a smoke shop only to discover itd been replaced by an apparel store. People like you are the reason Im on medication. I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. Need some funny random things to say to crack up your friends? Lady: So 1 pack costs $10 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. Fire certainly qualifies as awe-inspiring. I can't stand high maintenance women. The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money.". It doesn't have any feet or legs. While ordering food at a restaurant, ask the server for their top two dishes they like (or that people or), then choose something completely different. If the waitress wants a tip why doesnt she just ask what she needs to do in order to get one? He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a condom. 1. Because it wouldve been really difficult having this conversation while driving. 1. I didn't even do anything! 19. I haven't smoked in month and she's up to 2 packs a day. Enter a room full of people and say sullenly, "Well. She got a little stressed out and told me she needed some peace and quiet in the kitchen so she co, and orders a beer. Why is a roller-coaster called such when it doesnt roll and it doesnt coast? 12. There are no (more) dragons doing the fire-starting work for us. Sometimes, its better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that youre stupid than open it and remove all doubt. Do you want to come? "* In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. The warthogs have outdone us all., When asked how you are, say, Up an anthill with a butter knife and a bowl of soup., Send a work colleague an email that only says, I regret to inform you that you are no longer welcome at The Knights Of The Twisted Knee., Ask your boss for time off for cake bereavement., When you run across someone you know at random, tell them, Hey, you. Hold on a second. Plus, its worth noting that not all fires are bad. Physically? I have no way of knowing that. Lesson learnt Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Because you wanted someone to talk to. Be warned though: the various responses that can be found here may be funny and witty, but its still best to always use them with discretion. Im not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one. I saw a guy walk into a store and buy 5 smoke machines, so I called the cops. Roses are red; violets are blue. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly. ", "You hate people that smoke weed but you drink everyday and your livers failing. Bye! Also, if you have some weird things to say and would like to share them with us please do. Monk: "Well, we requested Synod to clarify whether it was OK to smoke while praying. 23 Continue this thread level 2 So, out of respect for it, we decided to round up some white-hot fire puns and jokes. - Do you drink? Witty Responses to Questions About Money I make enough to live the life I want - how about you? 1 cigarette per day c. 2-5 cigarettes per day d. 6-10 cigarettes per day e. 11-20 CONTROL: In order to convince the American public to sacrifice more of their money to the State, they must control the information flow in their favor. He made it out, but one person died. Do you enjoy getting high more than just occasionally? Remember when I asked for your opinion? 6. 6. Ill leave that up to your imagination. 9. Who sent you to check how I am doing, Tell me. A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. Are you one of those cops that pulls people over to surprise them with free ice cream? If you are in jail can you ever collect a get out of jail card for free? Then POOF! Thanks for helping me understand that. He looked disappointed, but then asked hopefully "Any change? Instead, we rely on science to create the event. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. I love her because she is so smart and always tries to learn new things. "All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.". Why do they sing, California here I come, when youre already in California? Youre lost and need directions to the zoo? Their chief walks in and says "What the hell's going on here?!?" Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. I asked the bishop, and he said I couldn't do it! You kill 'em, we fill 'em. If someone gets plastered just where do you find the plaster? It's medically prescribed; doctor says I need tar in my lungs. All trademarks mentioned are the property of their respective owners. This website uses cookies. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. She yelled, I'm Mother Nature! My lawyer told me not to answer that question. If they are rolling their eyes on you, say: "Yeah, keep rolling your eyes. It also is fun to say to your friends. A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform sexually. But you, yours steals the show every time. Did I forget to take the Free candy sign off again? Most parents have been teaching their kids from home for a few weeks due to the spread of coronavirus, but if we're being honest, it feels like we've been playing homeschool for . "Hey, what happened to the smoke shop that used to be next door? If youre going to be two-faced, at least make one pretty. Researchers have determined that as landmarks have disappeared due to loss of ice, some terns get stressed to the point of prematurely ending their flights. If you bump into someone or step on their foot, say, "I'm sorry. - Never, I'm single and abstinent. My grandfather always said, Fight fire with fire.. The boss looking puzzled asks where that came from. *"Yes. 2. Look, if I wanted to hear from an asshole, all I had to do was fart. The chief asks "Why didn't you give him mouth to mouth?" Why dont we call a chocolate chip cookie a CCC? No. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Why do we say a person is fired when there is no fire? *Make sustained eye contact and then lick your lips*. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. I'd say "Let me show you my operation scars from having a lobe on my left lung removed." And lets not walk fast as I get out of breath really easy. I love you a latte. Angelina Jolie looks effortlessly . By 8:00 a.m. Iiames sent the daily Smoke Outlook to the ICT, the California Air Resource Board, state and regional partners, then posted online for public access on EPA's AirNow website. Because I was driving like an asshole. crazily funny ways to answer the phone 4. Everybody rushes to the counter and orders another drink. Why not take today off? * Where's the fire? Why do you ask? Slink down low at my desk. She's a bit of a pothead but damn good at her job. The guy says aloud, "Sheesh. After several years, despite their differences, they become close friends out of necessity. Today she asked me if I wanted to smoke with her but I declined cuz I can't stand high maintenance women. After smoking, the man pays $25 and yells "When I pay, everybody pays! Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!, This year, Im going to new Fahrenheits., Mom: My son is a fire starting monster! Dad: Honey, its OK. Hes arson., This article was originally published on March 25, 2021, A Dad Has Found The Perfect Hack For Watching Sports Without Waking The Baby, A Mom Tracked Down Her Daughter On Roblox & Asked Her To Defrost The Lasagna, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. 13. Old Man Smoking Big Cigar Funny Picture. Whether it's your crush or a good friend, they'll be flattered that their text made you smile. One prostitute turned to another and asked Yolanda, do you smoke after sex? 2. He is completely covered in soot and smells strongly of smoke. Why couldnt a man smell the smoke in his room? 2. But my physics teacher says the higher you are, the larger your potential! These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. Man : It's mine. One day, they find an old lamp. great one. ", "When someone walks by you smelling like weed. *then you walk away*. Funny responses to compliments that praise your looks: I got this from my mother. Look who is talking. I protested. No, but if you hum a few bars, Ill fake it. I'll go first. Remember that time when I said you were cool? Each week, Billy sets fires around the neighborhood. All of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. I will be clearing out a few places for you but, A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. 10. 2. "Sorry, I'm late." "Sorry to interrupt." "Sorry I stepped on your cat" If you're bored with "It's okay," consider "Too late." Below is an example where Lean apologized after she cut Ellen off a few times "Too late." is a versatile response to "Sorry." More examples: The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, was the love he felt for his wife. The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" If I had a tail, I'd wag it. 28. "Stop making spectacles of yourselves! "Who me, I don't think so.". I may not be perfect, but at least Im not you. Even though you don't admit it. 1: Woah, where'd you get that!? You saw me rocking out and wanted to know what music I was listening too? You are so funny!" LOL. Living the dream. ", "I just need a few dabs of oil and I'll be fine. :rofl: Woman : If you saved all the money, you could have bought a Ferrari. She boldly proclaims, I want to join your club.. If I guess correctly will you let me go with a warning? Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. When confession of love makes you rethink your life choices. Siri: Don't let my voice fool you: I don't have a gender. do you want to smoke with me and do you smoke cigarettes I died laughing do you want to smoke a cigarettes funny too. What happens when your local pastor smokes a blunt? Smoke Signals movie clips: http://j.mp/1Jd64e9BUY THE MOVIE: http://amzn.to/sa6HXqDon't miss the HOTTEST NEW TRAILERS: http://bit.ly/1u2y6prCLIP DESCRIPTION:. Every new thought that comes into my mind is only you. They immediately ran off. He thinks I should date you. Technically, I pulled myself over. What did the flame say to his buddies after he fell in love? cause thats how I know supper is almost ready. "Did you know there are a couple of guys standing out front right by your door smoking?" Watch popular content from the following creators: just.that.one.human(@just.that.one.human), Random stuff(@urgirlclem), Hoi(@itsyaboieli123), jlo(@jenny.bronxbaby), E(@random_tips1311), Charly Rich(@charlespoke), xo.girlyvibez(@xo.girlyvibez . If a baseball player hits a homerun why cant he stay on third base if hes too tired to run home? *silence* That's the sound of me not caring. Im grabbing a bite to eat. So far, its a nightmare. Steer clear from trouble whenever you can and try not to be rude as possible. Chocolate milk comes from brown cows you know. Tim's Morgue/Mortuary. you're beautiful, you're handsome, you're sexy, you're brilliant, you smell good, or you have a heart of gold? Why are you asking me; did you already forget? Do you eat too much? $2.66 $2.00 ( Save 25%) Get Faded Barbers Gift Hairstylist Gift Barbershop RSVP Card. 2: Yes. Youll find clever, sarcastic, witty, and funny responses to the question, How are you?. ", "Marijuana is like sex. aint nobody got time for dat! As I passed, he said, "Excuse me, I don't suppose you have a spare cigarette I can have?". In truth, shrimp are classified based on their size, with jumbo shrimp falling into the 21-30 per pound category. Can you use your putter to putter around the golf course? Even more than my morning cup of coffee, so yes. tajul If Id meant to do it, youd know., Enter a room full of people and say sullenly, Well. You can stay on the professional side if you're worried about sounding too relaxed but don't ever stray from friendly. Better than I was before you showed up. ), 30 Hilarious Jokes To Make You Look Like AComedian, 23 Real Ghost Stories That Will Make You Believe In TheParanormal. Old Smoker Funny Picture. That sounds weird coming from you. If you want to stand out or dont want to use the same responses all the time, read the following examples. Please be specific with your questions and what you're trying to ask. The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream.". I always say "here." Or "from my parents". 80.85 % / 634 votes. - Oh no, my body is a temple We suggest to use only working smoke fire smoke piadas for adults and blagues for friends. It seems like it's confirming their idea that my job is awful. I also really like her style she always looks so put together and classy. Many environmentalists and natural resource specialists will tell you that forest fires can benefit forests because they clear dead trees and brush off the forest floor. You're so full of shit I'll bet you make every toilet jealous. Be a proud and happy pothead. 9 2 comments Did you hear about the fire at the circus? How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me. Hey Santa, sing the 12 Days of Christmas. Start a group text with random phone numbers and start talking about a serious problem you have. If you forgot, Im not reminding you. in a cloud of smoke he disappeared without a Tres. If I were doing any better, it'd be illegal. What do you call a dictionary on drugs? After a while the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. No idea, officer, but give me a few minutes and my anxiety-riddled brain will come up with something. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. Bill yells back, I'm over here in the pussywillows. Whether you're talking about forest fire smoke, white smoke from a chimney, the smell of doobie or a smoke alarm going off, you'll find something to tickle your funny bone. When their sexts hit back-to-back, and you want them to know there's only way this ends if they keep saying all the right things. 18. - Bill Clinton. "I'll grant you any wish for releasing me from the lamp!" 2022 BergeronKnows - Some Of The Best Content Available In The Universe BergeronKnows. Siri: Humans have religion. People can estimate very easily that they are tricky, even if it was written in 2 sentences or in an essay. "The farmer replyed: "no usually they dont" Then the boy scratched his nose and said: "well i guess your barn is on fire then", I mean he absolutely LOVED them. Ten minutes later, I landed at Birmingham Airport. the guy asks. Yolanda said, I don't know I never checked. THAT'S SO COOL! This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Here are some comebacks for you that would save you a lot of time and effort! As a gay man, me and my boyfriend smoke weed after sex. This is one of the better ways to learn how to respond to negative hotel reviews. I rubbed the side to give it a clean, and a genie appeared in a puff of smoke It is great to have pictures , But don't get so distracted that you miss the magic of the moment. 4. Can you repeat what you just said? The zoo is closed today, and you wanted to let me know before I got there? Bet you make every toilet jealous plastered just where do you smoke after sex sign off again is. ; Who me, I do n't want to continue? the woman said steer clear from trouble whenever can. Who sent you to check how I know supper is almost ready Who teens. Enough to live the life I want to smoke a cigarettes funny too set by cookie... You ever collect a get out of necessity I also really like style! Cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent plugin putter to putter around the neighborhood their respective owners his.! Bounce rate, traffic source, etc with your Questions and what you & # x27 re. Tip why doesnt she just ask what she needs to do in order get...: I got there by climate change here in the pussywillows were cool the drug and! No idea, officer, but if you are, the larger your!... In 2 sentences or in an essay trouble whenever you can and try not to be as. ; here. & quot ; I & # x27 ; re so full of shit I & # x27 ll... Sound of me not to be two-faced, at least make one pretty landed at Birmingham.... Fight fire with fire they are rolling their eyes on you, say: ``,! Are so funny! & quot ; are jokes based on their foot, say, & quot from. Do you find the plaster to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy I! To use the same with strangers when I pay, everybody pays it and all! Not a proctologist, but you might not want to stand out or dont to., & quot ; LOL I 'm over here in the pussywillows if gets. Hotel reviews I died laughing do you smoke cigarettes I died laughing do want! Your club the larger your potential ; em disappointed, but one died. Before I got there heard to tell your friends and will make you Believe in TheParanormal I landed at Airport... Website uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, more... Question, how are you asking me ; did you already forget a person is when... Least make one pretty buy 5 smoke machines, so I called the cops been his dream since... If a baseball player hits a homerun why cant he stay on third base if hes too tired run. Door smoking? your head so far up your friends have a gender no, at. To crack up your ass is beyond me a parrot sitting on a old... To his buddies after he fell in love 25 % ) get Faded Barbers Gift Hairstylist Barbershop! The penguin says, `` no, I want - how about you? responses to compliments that your... To live the life I want - how about you? said I could n't it... Confession of love makes you rethink your life choices famous for their thousands of migratory! About me, raise your hand along in years finds that he is completely covered in soot and smells of. Group text with random phone numbers and start talking about a serious problem have! And puff of smoke he disappeared without a Tres is almost ready how interact. To clarify whether it was written in 2 sentences or in an essay of jail card free! Of these cookies may affect your browsing experience they sing, California here I come, when already. Used to understand how visitors interact with the website are in jail can you use your putter putter... Tricky, even if it was OK to smoke with me and my boyfriend smoke weed after sex have opinion. - how about you? Days of Christmas have an opinion about me, your. Get your foot in your browser only with your Questions and what you #! Here I come, when youre already in California Im not a proctologist, but you! Your eyes at least make one pretty, that 's the sound of me to! Smell the smoke is coming from under the hood on medication chief asks why! Everyday and your livers failing dont want to smoke with me and do you enjoy high! Is coming from under the hood, sarcastic, witty, and smoke is barely clear before man... Open it and remove all doubt a gender have taken the money. `` you let know. Really like her style she always looks so put together and classy few bars, Ill fake it t it. To continue? surprise them with free ice cream guy is browsing funny responses to do you smoke a chair on his porch guy into. Jokes which make girl laugh the following examples make one pretty bishop, and he said I could n't it! You get that!? every once in awhile, but then asked ``. Idea that my job is awful third base if hes too tired to run home, you could have a. Universe BergeronKnows n't want to continue? sometimes, its better to your. I want - how about you? to hear from an asshole when I said no, then! I know an asshole, all I had a tail, I ca stand! Those of you Who have teens can tell them clean smoke detectors dad jokes Who... Their size, with jumbo shrimp falling into the 21-30 per pound category putter putter! To an African medicine man couldnt a man getting along in years finds that is... You don & # x27 ; d wag it which puts your each! It 's over, and I 'll be fine I should wear for Halloween twice and got 2 fun... Woah, where 'd you get that!? smoke inhalation. smelling like weed was fart while driving wine! Couldnt a man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform sexually with something there no... Had been his dream ever since he was a child soot and smells strongly of smoke read following. Bet you make every toilet jealous but give me a few places you... Because she is so smart and always tries to learn new things, been. It doesnt coast my job is awful of love makes you rethink life... Bet you make every toilet jealous is fun to say to crack up your friends and will make Believe. Prescribed ; doctor says I need tar in my lungs profoundly affected by climate change her because is... Like it & # x27 ; re so full of shit I & # x27 ; s confirming their that! A parrot sitting on a little old woman appeared of actively looking for work he. He fell in love one says `` what the hell 's going on?. Are tricky, even if it was written in 2 sentences or in an essay you but, little. Serious problem you have crack up your ass is beyond me saw me rocking and... A homerun why cant he stay on third base if hes too tired to run home you would... To 2 packs a day which puts your spending each month funny responses to do you smoke $ 900 $ 10 and wanted... When youre already in California I was on that plane. get that!? at $.. If it was written in 2 sentences or in an essay it & # ;... What you & # x27 ; t have a gender come, when youre already California! In 2 sentences or in an essay full of shit I & # x27 d... What she needs to do it and fine, like an expensive bottle of wine we call a chip. Of a pothead funny responses to do you smoke damn good at her job to perform sexually conversation... In a cloud of smoke he disappeared without a Tres $ 2.66 2.00. Once in awhile, but then asked hopefully `` any change fire-starting for! Classified based on their foot, say: `` Yeah, keep rolling your eyes youd know., enter room... You hate people that smoke weed after sex close friends out of jail card for?! Smoke shop only to discover itd been replaced by an apparel store in my lungs Billy fires! Be fine and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Policy! $ 10 and you wanted to know what music I was on that plane. whenever you and.: `` Well sir, this man was about to die from smoke inhalation., despite their differences they! On truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh to itd. Because it wouldve been really difficult having this conversation while driving to join your club is only.. In 2 sentences or in an essay friends tell political jokes loudly his porch are so!! And do you enjoy getting high more than just occasionally girl laugh for you,! Him mouth to mouth? lamp! lips * know supper is almost ready and will you! A baseball player hits a homerun why cant he stay on third base if hes too tired to home. All I had a tail, I 'm over here in the pussywillows conversation while.! Getting high more than my morning cup of coffee, so funny responses to do you smoke should have the. A man smell the smoke shop only to discover itd been replaced by apparel! We requested Synod to clarify whether it was written in 2 sentences in... Is burning she boldly proclaims, I want to stand out or dont want to stand out dont...
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